Skinny Jeans - The New/Old Fad

The only thing more irritating than the amount of chicks who wear skinny jeans today is the fact that they think it's a new trend. Welcome back 1985! Within the last couple years or so, the wearing of these über-tight denim pants has gotten way out of control. It's almost as if every fucking female out there traded in all their straight-legs, boot-cuts and flares for skinnies. Does anyone think for themselves anymore?

 

Going to the rodeo never looked better.

For the record, I have no problem with fashion. What I do have a problem with is every chick between the ages of pre-teen and 30 sporting these jeans like they're the only ones wearing them. Chicks tend to strive for uniqueness and individuality. How the fuck can you accomplish that when every other fucking girl is doing the same thing? There are other options out there, you know!

Another thing that makes skinny jeans less unique is the fact that apparently, the variety of footwear that can be worn with them is limited. If I had a nickel for every bitch I've seen wearing these things with stupid ass Uggs or fake Uggs (fuggs), I'd be sailing with Akon on a yacht somewhere in the Caribbean right now. Seriously, what the fuck do you chicks say, "Hey, look at those girls in skinny jeans and Uggs! Let's go do the same fucking thing!" If it's not Uggs then it's sandals or those stupid ass ballerina slippers. And what's with tucking them into these knee-high boots? What, are you trying to dress up like a fuckin' equestrian? Once in awhile I'll see some stuck up bitch try to "dress up her skinny jeans" with a pair of heels. Really? All it takes to "dress up" your skinnies is a $10 pair of pumps from Payless? Holy shit.

The further into the ghetto you get, the more you see these jeans. If you've ever noticed, low-income hood rats and hynas tend to wear these things every single day on the calendar. They're so afraid of being out of style, those things never come off, except for when they remove them to have more illegitimate kids.

Lastly, just when you thought skinny jeans were the shit, BAM..here come the jeggings! As if skinny jeans weren't tight enough! For those of you uneducated on the subject, jeggings are basically lycra-spandex dyed to look like denim. They're leggings that look like jeans - hence the name "jeggings." We are now three seasons into the 21st century's worst fashion trend, in which women suck, pull, and squeeze themselves into denim-colored sausage casings and then waddle around pretending they're wearing blue jeans. Just looking at these tragic hybrid "pants" can cut off a person's circulation. Actually putting on a pair is a clinically proven health hazard.  Boy, do I hate it when fat bitches wear jeggings. You think skinnies give fat bitches a muffin top? Holy poop. The funny part is these stupid hoochies actually think they look good! I'm not sure when this fad will fade out, but it needs to go away like yesterday.

For those of you who think you look good in either skinny jeans or jeggings, no you don't. You look like a fucking ice cream cone. Now let your ankles breathe!

It's Summer...Put The Fucking Uggs Away!

Hoes. They'll do anything to make sure they're always in style, even if it means giving up more sensible things in life. But hey, at least they have those Uggs. In what to me is a more marketable version of snow boots, Uggs have captured the fashion sense of females ages early-teens to mid-20's for the last coupe of years. Why? Beats the living shit out of me.

Is it hot enough to wear a mini skirt, or
cold enough to wear Uggs? We're confused.

Unless they're being worn in late December around the ski lifts, they have no business being worn in the Summer in Southern California. Coupled with the wearing of skinny jeans, Uggs (or often Ugg imitations) provide little to no ventilation of the feet. Can you imagine the stank that is going on down there? I asked a co-worker not too long ago why Uggs were such a trendy hit. She replied, "Because when it rains, it keeps our jeans from getting wet and ruined." This was obviously a bullshit excuse, considering two points: A) It rains a total of 3 fucking days here per year in Orange County, and B) Bitches are currently wearing them in August, when the thermometer topped 100° for almost 2 weeks straight.

My personal take on the wearing of Uggs in the Summer is that the bitches who wear them spent all of their money on those overpriced snow boots and now they don't have any money left to buy a pair of fucking sandals.

I'd like to say that I'm not a huge fan of trends as it is. I like individuality, and you can't achieve that when every other bitch is doing the same thing. As my partner in crime stated in his rant on Hynas, it's funny how girls (especially Hynas) walk around thinking they're so unique. Well news flash - you're not unique when every other chick in your age group is wearing the same thing, doing their hair the same way, and carrying the same over-sized hand bags.

In conclusion, Uggs are not cute. They're fucking stupid. You might only find one or two guys who don't think they look retarded, and most likely they're just telling you that so they can get in your skinny jeans. If you're planning a trip this Winter to Mammoth, by all means, knock yourselves out. In the meantime, take those fucking things off and leave them in the closet next to the knee-high hooker boots.