3 Reasons To Punch Ke$ha In The Mouth

Apparently, it doesn’t take much to make a hit song these days. All you need is a keyboard and someone with an average singing voice at best. The song you release doesn’t even have to mean anything. You could just say “blah blah blah” through the whole damn thing and you’ll get nominated for a Teen Choice Award and an MTV Music Video Award. Perfect example? Kesha. Here are 3 reasons she should be donkey-punched in her annoying mouth:

I guess Lady Gaga isn't the only one
trying to hide her penis.



Reason 1: She’s already a stuck up bitch.
Here we have a bitch that’s so into herself, she has a dollar sign instead of an “S” in her name. Let me get this straight. Before you even dropped your first album, you’re implying that you are rollin’ in dough. That’s pretty ballsy from a person who, not too long ago, was living off welfare and food stamps. Jesus, Kesha, even Puffy’s old sidekick Ma$e is laughing at you.

Reason 2: Her songs SUCK.

Allow me to shit on her first single, “Tik Tok.” I’ll get past the part where she spells like she’s still on welfare and move on to how much this song sucks. If the fake ass “valley girl” accent doesn’t annoy the complete shit out of you, the lyrics will. “Wake up in the mornin’ feelin like P.Diddy.” So what does this mean, Kesha? You wake up feelin’ like a successful black man with more talent than you could ever dream of? Ok, I could see that happening. Then there's “Before I leave brush my teeth with a bottle of jack.” This is possibly the most white trash lyric I’ve heard since Larry the Cable Guy’s rendition of “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.” Seriously, if I ever catch you wasting a whole bottle of JD to brush your teeth, I will fucking kill you. And what's with this shit about you kicking guys to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger? Have you seen that guy lately? Holy shit bitch, you must be on some serious crack.

Reason #3: She can’t sing.

Silly me, I thought songs usually rhyme at the end of each lyric. Someone please tell that to this bitch. “Trying on all our clothes, boys blowin’ up our phones.” Someone must’ve swallowed a good amount of that Jack while brushing their teeth to think that clothes and phones fucking rhyme. But then again, I’m sure she’s had a good amount of practice swallowing. It's bad enough that through half her songs, her voice is digitally fucked with. I'd go as far as to say that what she does isn't considered singing, but just talking with a melody behind it. I guess her writers ran out of ideas for lyrics, because at the end of each chorus she yells like fuckin Tarzan to fill the gap where a lyric would normally be.

If you like this slut and her songs, you have a serious problem with your taste in music. I suppose as long as there are immature slutty high school girls around, there will always be a place for a singer talker like Kesha. I just don't know why anyone without "teen" in their age would even listen to this crap. If all it takes to make lots of money is a keyboard and an average talking voice, I'm headed to Guitar Center.....brb. Ok world, get ready for another epic piece of shit song like "Fly like a G6."