You have a debit card. Use it!

Go debit, or go fuck yourself.

Let's get right into it. Going to the grocery store is already a hell of a chore, so why make the experience worse than it already is? If you go to pay at the checkout register and you pull out a fucking checkbook, keep reading - cause you're an asshole!

Welcome to the fuckin' 21st Century, where convenience is everywhere and technology is at it's best.

Long gone are the days of forgetting the checkbook at home, misplacing your pen, and oh ya...writing checks at the damn grocery store! It's bullshit. Don't mind me, I'm just trying to get in and out in a timely fashion. The last thing I need is to get in "that line" with the douche bag who watches every item go past the scanner, waits to hear the total from the cashier, and THEN pulls out the fucking checkbook and starts to fill it out. I guess filling in the known elements like the date, your signature, and I don't know, the name of the fucking store is too easy huh? I was behind this one tool bag not too long ago where he had to ask the cashier what fucking store he was in. Are you fucking kidding me? Unacceptable.

If you have a checking account here in the year 2010, you have a goddamn debit card. It's so easy, fast, and doesn't require you remembering your pen. Jesus, it's like debit cards are fucking kryptonite to check writers. "But Nolan, I like keeping track of all my purchases." Yeah, me too. It's called online fucking banking. Also gone are the days of playing the "time game". You remember that game, being able to write a check 3 days before payday knowing it wouldn't be cashed while your broke ass was waiting to get paid. That was the last known advantage to using a check. Now, they have these high-speed scanners that tell them if your broke ass is writing a check with no money behind it. Busted!

Look, there are still uses for checks these days; Private debt, mortgage, some bills, but NOT to purchase your wheaties and lean cuisine. Just remember, if you're still holding on to the long-passed era of check writing at the store, millions upon millions of people fucking hate you. Including me.